Truth In Satire

Saying They’re Worried Sick, Five Former First Ladies Ask, “Where’s Melania?”

The FLOTUS FIVE issued an urgent appeal to their successor — “Please send word!”

Allan Ishac
4 min readMar 29, 2017


Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Barbara Bush, and Rosalynn Carter could kick Trump’s ass. But that’s another post altogether, sorry.

Like everyone else in America, the five living First Ladies are concerned about the mysteriously missing Melania Trump.

Melania Trump has not been seen or heard from since shortly after the January inauguration of her husband. The five former First Ladies think that she may be in distress.

According to Barbara Bush, wife of George H., the FLOTUS FIVE, as they are now referring to themselves, have been in constant touch with each other to share information about the current First Lady’s whereabouts, health, and safety.

“We haven’t heard a peep from Melania since Inauguration Day,” said Mrs. Bush, clearly agitated. “Generally, First Ladies stay closely connected, in part to help the newbie through the first 100 days. We’re not like the men, playing their silly power games. We women have each other’s backs.”

“Melania, dear, if you can hear my voice send an Instogram, a Snapchop, or a short Faceplant message and let us know you are safe.”

“I haven’t been able to sleep, I’ve been so worried about Melania,” said Rosalynn Carter, wife of President Jimmy Carter. “Here’s a girl from a foreign country, unfamiliar with the vicissitudes of politics and the ways of Washington, and immediately she’s thrust into the spotlight, surrounded by crass, neo-Nazis screaming about immigrant deportations. Lord Jesus, she must have been scared to death, the poor girl — not just for herself, but for her young son.”

Hillary Clinton believes that Melania might be a tragic casualty of “Russia-gate.”

“This might sound overly dramatic, but I’m frankly concerned for Melania’s life,” said Hillary Clinton, who has only recently begun making public appearances again. “The first question I ask myself is, did she know too much, was she a witless pawn in the Russian election scandal who simply showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time? I mean, she is from Slovenia. Could it be that she was innocently facilitating contact…



Allan Ishac

Bestselling Author. Satirist, Humor Writer at MuddyUm and The Haven. Former advertising creative director. Visit me at