Satan Decides To Take Some Time Off “Now That Donald Is Covering For Me”

Prince of Darkness also well pleased with Trump’s cabinet picks — “about as deranged an assortment of evildoers as I could hope for”

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The Devil called President-Elect Donald Trump on Friday to congratulate him on his victory and asked him to watch the Gates of Hell while he takes a much needed vacation.

Saying that President-Elect Donald Trump’s top picks to lead America’s government “compare favorably to Adolf’s infamous band of murderers and mental cases,” Satan has decided to take a well-earned vacation and travel to an exclusive resort along the Equator.

The Devil commended Mr. Trump on “scaring the hell out of the entire world” while dealing a death blow to compassionate governance. “It is refreshing to see rampant violence, wretched terror, and bloody war making a comeback,” said Lucifer. “I just knew I could count on Don to upend any hope of benevolent leadership and set a new low standard for degeneracy.”

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“I am going to just lie back and enjoy some boiled pina coladas on a deserted beach somewhere,” said the demon god.

Asked where specifically he might travel to during his extended time off, the Angel of Death reflected for a moment, then said, “You know, it’s been so long since I’ve taken a serious holiday, I’m not sure exactly where I’ll be headed. I keep a summer place in Vegas but I just rented it to one of my favorite despots, Bob Duterte of the Philippines. But I hear that Tunisia can get up to 130ºF this time of year — that’s my kind of sizzling — and it’s right on the Mediterranean!”

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