Truth In Satire

Russians Paid Trump $500,000 To Arrange Private Stormy Daniels Strip Show

Oligarchs tied to Putin were so excited to see a performance by the president’s porn star, they offered to buy him 2016 election

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The president received a half million dollars to stage a strip show by Stormy Daniels for wealthy Russians. (Credit:

BREAKING: President Donald Trump’s personal fixer, Michael Cohen, received $500,000 from Russian oligarchs in 2016 to pay for a private performance by porn actress Stormy Daniels. The evening of striptease and pole dancing was arranged by the president.

“There is nothing illegal, unethical, or immoral about grown men watching an attractive women strip naked onstage,” said a besieged President Trump, speaking to reporters on Tuesday night. “And as you know, I owned the Miss Universe beauty pageant for many years, so I really know how to put together a red hot, super sexy show for lustful men. If some insanely rich Russian gents are willing to pay handsomely to see Stormy’s magnificent vaginal undulations, who am I to stop them? It’s still a free country!”

Many legal experts, however, as well as investigators for special counsel Robert Mueller, believe that the payments made to Donald Trump through his longtime fixer, Mr. Cohen, may not have been completely aboveboard. They’re speculating that the half million dollars, as well as additional payments totaling $4.4 million made to Michael Cohen’s shell company, Essential Consultants, might have been used to help Mr. Trump steal the 2016 presidential election and buy influence in his administration.

Mr. Trump attempted to tamp down that speculation late Tuesday night saying via Twitter that the substantial sums paid by Russian oligarchs were “strictly for high-quality adult entertainment by a famous porn actress who commands the highest prices for a close-up look at her bodacious breasts. It’s totally legal. Extremely legal. Also, NO COLLUSION!”


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