Truth In Satire

Russia Succeeds At Placing Hostile Cyborgs Inside Trump White House

Robot Stephen Miller leads a small but effective army of Kremlin-directed automatons trying to undermine the U.S. government

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President Donald Trump exhibits almost none of the qualities of a sensate human being — compassion, empathy, the ability to love, discernment, basic intelligence, or common sense. This has made it virtually impossible for the president to detect other similarly insensate, mechanical entities that have infiltrated his inner circle.

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And they surely have, according to sources inside the major U.S. intelligence agencies, including the CIA and FBI.

These sources say that highly-sophisticated Russian androids designed, built, and deployed directly by Vladimir Putin’s FSB (Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation, formerly the KGB) have been placed inside the White House at an alarming rate since President Trump took office. Many were well-positioned within the Trump campaign as far back as 2015. And all have been programmed to sabotage, disrupt, undermine, and ultimately destroy American democracy from the inside.

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The robotic pseudo-life forms that intelligence agents are most concerned about include Trump aide Stephen Miller (Model FSB4869), computerized son-in-law Jared Kushner (Model FSB2387J), advisor Kellyanne Conway (Model FSB9958), and White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Model FSB1203PP).

Kremlin-based droids have also reportedly been placed inside Congress, going by the names of Representative Trey Gowdy (Model FSB3355H) in the House and Tom Cotton (Model FSB5849S) in the Senate.

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“We knew the Russians were working on very lifelike androids as far aback as the 1980’s, but we did not expect FSB mechanical designers and chip programmers to refine them so soon and so convincingly, to the point where these specialized and very dangerous ‘political’ robots can now move around the White House undetected,” said an FBI special agent who is part of a newly-created droid surveillance unit at the agency. “We now think their ability to blend in with humans is so advanced, and the extent of their influence is so deep, that one has actually been able to wed a Trump family member. I’m speaking about Jared Kushner, of course.”

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Asked how the Kushner android could be an active marriage partner with a human or near-human, in this case, Ivanka Trump, the FBI source said that complex verbal communication was not a problem for state-of-the-art robots, but that the sex act was a thornier issue.

“We know the Kushner-Trump union has resulted in children. This is somewhat confounding to us,” offered the agent. “Our best guess is that Vladimir Putin himself donates semen to Russian bots masquerading as males which is stored inside freezer compartments built into the androids. During sexual intercourse, the semen can be propelled mechanically into the receiving vessel. This, of course, would mean that the children of Kushner-Trump are actually the offspring of Mr. Putin. If true, the degree of Russian penetration into the highest echelons of American government is beyond even our imaginings.”

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The FBI and CIA are now working on several plans to thwart the impact and influence of the androids that are in direct contact with the president nearly every day. They are even considering introducing their own robots into the White House to disrupt and derail the Russian models.

“We’re going to be placing a very sexy-looking administrative assistant robot in an office a few doors down from the Oval,” said another FBI agent off the record. “With any luck, she’ll be able to lure President Trump into an affair and implant a surveillance device into the fat layers of his buttocks during sex play. If it works, we’ll be able to monitor the president’s activities 24-hours a day, especially those that point to collusion and cooperation with the Russians.”

The agent added that the FBI’s female android is designed with orange hair, very large breasts and an easily grabbable artificial vulva to heighten the president’s interest and increase the frequency of his daily engagement with the U.S.-built spy bot.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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