Ruffling Trump’s Pompadour On Late Night TV May Have Driven Him Insane, Medical Experts Say.
With his behavior becoming more erratic every day, medical professionals are now speculating that Jimmy Fallon’s tousling of Donald Trump’s coif may have actually caused irreversible brain damage.
“Hair follicles are attached to the scalp, fed by the right and left vertebral arteries which also supply blood to the brain,” explained Dr. Maurice Lieberthal, Chief of Dermatology at New York’s Mt. Sinai Hospital. “It’s possible that a vigorous ruffling of Mr. Trump’s delicately managed bouffant may have caused scalp trauma and cut off circulation to his brain.”
The presidential hopeful and potential insulter-in-chief has gone off the rails since his September 15th appearance on “The Tonight Show,” when Fallon roughed up the candidate’s comb over at the end of a genial, 10-minute guest spot.
“I wasn’t trying to traumatize him,” defended Fallon, who has been roundly criticized for the incident. “I just wanted to put to rest rumors that Trump’s tresses are actually sprayed on cotton candy. They aren’t, but they have a similar consistency.”
Immediately after the interview, a disheveled, shaken Trump was rushed from The Tonight Show stage to a waiting ambulance. In the ensuing days he seemed more unstable and volatile, elevating his combative rhetoric on the campaign trail and attempting to assert his dominance in ways that more closely resemble the simian side of his personality.
“Mr. Trump’s post-debate harping and physical antics surrounding comedienne Rosie O’Donnell and the former Miss Universe, Alicia Machado, are classic displays of ritualized aggression that we see in non-human primates,” explained University of Maryland anthropology professor, Dr. Gail Fordam. “When the same behavior is presented in humans, it is usually considered pathological and the patient is monitored closely.”
Dr. Lieberthal elaborated on the condition. “Madness precipitated by an abrupt tugging of the male mane is rare, but not unheard of,” he stated, “particularly when the subject is overly self-conscious, insecure, or preoccupied with the state of his hair. The medical term for this condition is Follicula Syndrome.”
It is not known whether the Secret Service detail providing security for Mr. Trump is aware of his potential psychosis as representatives for the agency could not be reached. Calls to The Tonight Show inquiring about possible criminal charges against Mr. Fallon were also not returned.