Truth In Satire

Roy Moore Says He’ll Return To “Poling” Alabama Women In Shopping Malls

Defeated Republican candidate says Senate victory would have “cut into my time getting to know female voters biblically”

After the election, Judge Moore thanked President Trump for his tips on thwarting sexual harassment claims. (Credit:

During a concession speech after his stunning defeat in the Alabama special election for the U.S. Senate, Republican loser Roy Moore seemed almost relieved that the contentious campaign was over and he could return to his previous passions.

Moore says his pistol is always loaded when he is doing his poling work with women. (Credit:

“I want to assure the voters of the great state of Alabama that I will not let this razor thin defeat get me down,” Moore asserted. “Tomorrow I will saddle up my horse, ride to the nearest shopping mall, and continue my work poling Alabama’s women, just as I have done for years.”

Roy Moore is known for his diligence in cruising Alabama malls where young women congregate, getting to know their views from every angle. He has bragged in the past about “having an intimate, biblical understanding of the female voter in my state.”

As Roy Moore galloped away from his voting location, all you could see was the horse’s ass. (Credit:

In the county where Mr. Moore lives, news that the former judge lost the election and would not be going to Washington as its Republican Senator was met with great disappointment. Alabamans were not only upset that Roy Moore would not be helping President Trump advance his conservative agenda, they were also annoyed that they would have to return to chaperoning their underage daughters wherever they go.


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