Truth In Satire

Reports Of Shoving Match Between Trump And Pence In Oval Office

President calls VP a “traitor,” then throws sucker punch that leaves second-in-command with possible concussion

“I know you are but what am I!” (Credit: Politicus USA)

Growing more isolated and paranoid by the day, President Trump has started to pick fights with his aides and inner circle, according to administration sources, including a physical altercation with Vice-President Mike Pence during an Oval Office meeting.

According to a senior White House official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, the president arrived for the 7:30a.m. meeting on Monday wearing nothing but pajamas, one slipper, and a cowboy hat.

In happier times, VP Mike Pence indulged President Trump with a kiss shortly after the two had made a pact with the devil in 2016.

Mr. Pence, also in attendance, told President Trump “you are indecent, sir,” and that he needed to go back upstairs to change because there were three female aides present. John Kelly, the president’s chief of staff, concurred with Mr. Pence.

Mr. Trump became enraged, yelling, “Look, you goody two-shoes Christian Ken doll, I’m the fucking President of the United States, alright, and I’ll dress, or undress, any way I like.”

The senior official reporting the incident, a woman, then said that the president briefly flashed his “willy” through his pajama bottoms, causing Mr. Pence to quickly usher the female staff members out of the room.

When Mr. Pence’s back was turned, Mr. Trump accused his vice-president of maneuvering to take his job. “You’ve been plotting with Mueller to become POTUS, you bible-thumping turncoat!”

Mr. Kelly kept a close eye on the president after his altercation with the vice-president on Monday. (Credit:

At that point, Vice-President Pence turned and approached Mr. Trump in an apparent effort to calm him down. The president shoved him and Mr. Pence shoved back. Then the president tossed his cowboy hat into the air to distract the vice-president while he threw a weak sucker punch that nevertheless knocked the former Indiana governor to the floor.

As he stumbled backward, Mr. Pence struck his head on President Trump’s WWE Hall of Fame trophy and fell hard, growing woozy for more than a minute. Observers in the room thought that the vice-president probably suffered a concussion.

President Trump left the Oval Office and returned in a suit and tie about 20 minutes later, after Mr. Pence had been taken away for medical attention. Mr. Kelly ushered the president to his desk and cooed to him for several minutes, said aides.

The president then made this statement:

“Today, Vice-President Mike Pence and I had a very good breakfast meeting. Mike told me that he would like to resume missionary work in Africa, and while I was deeply saddened to hear this news, I’m going to seriously consider accepting his resignation, however. In the event that my trusted lieutenant does leave for the dark continent, I will be assuming the role of both president and vice-president going forward. While this is an unusual step, it is absolutely necessary to ensure political stability and protect our citizens from bad people. Oh, probably General John Kelly, a great man who has done an amazing job, will go with him. Thank you.”

No statement was issued by the vice-president’s office regarding his medical condition or his sudden plans to leave the vice-presidency for Christian missionary work overseas.


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