Truth In Satire

Report Of Military Coup In D.C. Just Trump’s Cabinet Members Walking Around

Initial fears of a military takeover by retired generals and high-ranking officers “overblown” says Trump spokesperson

The report of a military takeover of the American government by former generals and high-ranking officers has been discredited by Trump spokeswoman, Kellyanne Conway.

“We want to assure the American people that no military coup was attempted in Washington this morning,” said Ms. Conway. “This was merely a misunderstanding about the presence of so many military officers around the nation’s capital.”

Conway went on to say that the confusion might have initially started when the president chose so many high-ranking, retired military officers for major cabinet posts, adding that these men would have “increased influence, but certainly no decisive role in domestic and foreign policy decisions of the Trump administration.” The retired military officers who have served the president include Gen. James Mattis for Defense Secretary, Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn (indicted) to serve as National Security Adviser, and Gen. John Kelly as the head the Department of Homeland Security and now Chief of Staff.

Speaking before reporters, Conway concluded: “We are sorry if we alarmed American citizens in any way. We want to assure the public that the administration is well aware that we have a civilian government running the country, and a civilian Commander-in-Chief, and we will uphold the Constitutional guidelines established by the Founding Fathers as much as we possibly can. I won’t be taking any further questions at this time. Thank you.”

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