Rejected Secret Service Code Names For The President And First Lady

The agency has settled on “Mogul” for Donald and “Muse” for Melania, but those weren’t the first choices

Allan Ishac
3 min readJan 16, 2017


In November, the Secret Service asked agents to suggest code names for the new president and first lady. The agency specified that both nicknames had to start with the same letter, as has been the custom for the past twelve presidential couples. They received a record number of submissions.

Some name pairings sounded regal, most were unsuitable and ultimately rejected…but still pretty funny. We’ve posted the rejects here, along with accompanying agent rationales.

FAKENEWS / FAKEBOOBS: “And fake presidency, for a first-ever triple fake!” — Special Agent Corey Buzard

WINDBAG / WINGNUT: “He’s a blabbermouth, she’s a blubber head.” — Carl Lespener, Special Agent in Charge, White House Detail

PUPPET / PAWN: “Mayday, mayday…marionette dangling from White House roof, send scissors!” — Special Officer Amy Spicer

ORANGUTAN / OCELOT: “If it’s going to be a circus for four years, let’s have us some animals.” — Special Agent Melanie Andreas, LA Office

SAD / SADDER: “Have you seen the misery on Melania’s mug?” — Assistant Director Laura Bansheld, Training Unit, Quantico

URINESTREAM / URINEFORHELL: “She’s seen his yellow hair close up and she’s been trying to warn us!” — Special Officer Dominick Altenga

TWEETER / TWIGGY: “Don’t worry, we’re leaning on the blue birds to shut him down.” — Special Agent Larry Rezolve, San Francisco Office

SLOVENLY / SLOVENIAN: “I’ve seen him eat a taco, you can’t believe the mess.” — Uniformed Officer Mark McCracken, Trump Tower Detail

LITTLEFINGER / LANISTER: “How funny are those hands…like Dinklage small!” — Mason Alden, Chief of Staff, Memphis Office

MEXICAN’T / MADRE3 — “Look, I’ll do my job, I’m just saying that my manitos south of the border all think this guy’s a dick.” — Deputy Assistant Director Diego Guzman, Dallas Office

TANOREXIC / TANKTOP: “How are we going to protect them from the sun?! Haha!” — Melanie…



Allan Ishac

Bestselling Author. Satirist, Humor Writer at MuddyUm and The Haven. Former advertising creative director. Visit me at