Truth In Satire

Prominent Vampire Has Audacity To Call Democrats “Not Even People”

Eric Trump, a corpse who leaves his grave at night to suck the blood of humans, maligned the living in a bitter FOX interview

Although he claims to be a living human, there is no evidence that Eric Trump has a pulse. (Credit: The Onion/Twitter)

Eric Trump, the lifeless son of U.S President Donald Trump, appeared on Sean Hannity’s Fox News program this week and called Democrats who oppose his father, “not even people.”

The irony of his statement was not lost on millions of Americans who have known for years that Eric Trump is not a person, but rather a vampire who drinks the blood of the living at night using his long, pointed canine teeth.

One of the clearest photos of Eric Trump’s pronounced canine teeth, the ones he uses to turn the living into the undead. Top Democrats have been his target of late.

According to White House insiders, the president has even used his youngest son to regularly feed on the lifeblood of Senate Minority Leader, Chuck Schumer, who has completely lost his vitality, spunk, and political fight since the inauguration. Other Democrats have also been the victim of the cunning second son of Trump.

WARNING: He smiles to lure you in, then goes for the neck.

“Democrats are aware that they’ve become mysteriously impotent against the president in the past six months, but they don’t know why,” said one Trump aide, speaking off the record. “It’s because of Eric’s bite and bloodletting. It leaves them lethargic and dopey.”

In addition to calling his father’s opponents, “not even people,” the slick-talking vampire said that hateful Democrats are trying to “obstruct a great man, they try and obstruct his family, they come after us viciously, and its truly, truly horrible.”

Eric Trump leaving Sean Hannity’s FOX News program with blood still dripping from his teeth after a recent feeding.

However, a majority of Americans feel that it is Eric and his family who are vicious and horrible, and a stunning 98% of voters said in a recent MSNBC poll that they would not leave Eric Trump home alone with their succulent children.

This sentiment is especially true for American parents after a recent Forbes news story revealed that Eric and his foundation diverted money from his charity golf tournament for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital into the family coffers — proving he’s both a despicable vulture and a vampire.

Eric Trump’s spokesman, who was wearing a black cape and had plasma dripping from his teeth at a press conference on Thursday, said that the fiendish scion of the American president would have no comment until after sunset.


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store