Truth In Satire

Trump Suspected Of Accidentally Tweeting Emergency Alert, Terrifying Hawaiians

The president inadvertently triggered a warning of an inbound ballistic missile, sending islanders into a panic on Saturday

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The frightening message tweeted out to Hawaiians by President Trump on Saturday. (Credit: nytimes.com)

resident Donald Trump might have finally taken his irresponsible Twitter activity too far, sending residents of Hawaii into a state of panic and fleeing for bomb shelters on Saturday morning.

“The president was up early at the White House today, playing around with the emergency alert channels for various states, when he inadvertently sent a tweet to all residents of Hawaii warning them of an incoming missile,” explained White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “There was no immediate danger and no one was injured. The president is also safe and back in his private quarters watching television.”

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When VP Pence and Secret Service agents stormed the Oval Office to investigate the Emergency Alert System breach, Mr. Trump pretended like he didn’t know what they were talking about. (Credit:pinterest.com)

But despite the White House’s contention that the incident was a non-event, Americans across the country were surprised to learn that the president has access to the Emergency Alert System and was able to use it to tweet an alarming message. Hawaiians were particularly outraged, saying that they were thrown into terror and a sense of impending doom, many saying final goodbyes to family members.

“I nearly had a heart attack,” said Julie Manakona, who was opening the door of her florist shop on Waikiki Beach when the tweet came over her cell phone at 8:10am. “With all of Trump’s stupid taunts toward the North Koreans, I figured he finally took it too far. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t live to see another beautiful sunset on Waikiki.”

Manny Kawanakookabora, a mail carrier in Honolulu who was heading out to make his daily deliveries when he received the tweet, gathered at the post office with his co-workers trying to decide what to do next. “Of course, we assumed it was some sort of screw-up by Trump, but we didn’t want to take any chances. Most of us called loved ones back home to get them to check Fox & Friends for details, but we were still really scared.”

The situation was made even worse when it took nearly 40 minutes for federal officials to cancel the alert, after realizing that the errant tweet had originated from the White House.

According to Raymond Fiascosa, the head of the U.S. Emergency Alert System for all 50 states, Vice-President Mike Pence and Secret Service agents were immediately sent to the Oval Office to investigate, but the door was locked.

“When the Secret Service finally gained access, they discovered President Trump fumbling with the emergency alert master controls behind his desk, trying to correct his error,” said Mr. Fiascosa. “From what I heard, he looked real guilty, like he knew what he’d done and was trying to cover up the tweeting error or make it look like it was someone else’s fault, probably Mr. Pence’s.”

Democrats in Congress were demanding to know Saturday afternoon why the president was messing around with the Emergency Alert System in the first place, an act of carelessness that lead to chaos in the streets of Hawaii and lingering emotional trauma.

“This is a man who can’t read or write and is mentally impaired, do we really want him to have access to the Emergency Alert System?” asked an indignant Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer of New York.

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Sen. Schumer indicating that this was the fifth time Mr. Trump got caught screwing around with secure communications systems. (Credit: businessinsider.com)

Other lawmakers made the point that giving Donald Trump access to the Emergency Alert System was not nearly as potentially catastrophic as allowing him to have the nuclear codes. “Yelling fire is one thing,” said Representative Nancy Pelosi. “Actually lighting the fire yourself is quite another.”

Rep. Pelosi added that she and her colleagues would be taking immediate steps to prevent President Trump from touching any keyboards, switches, levers, control knobs, phone pads, buttons, toggles, handles, or dials in the future in an effort to prevent him from causing accidental injury or death to innocent Americans.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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