Truth In Satire
President Says He Paid Pornstar In Trump Steaks, Not Cash
Mr. Trump claims that he and Stormy Daniels agreed on twelve frozen flank steaks and two ribeyes, not $130,000 in hush money
Speaking for the first time about claims that he paid $130,000 in hush money to an adult film actress who says she had an illicit affair with him, President Donald Trump categorically denied there was any such payment.
As he spoke to reporters aboard Air Force One on Thursday afternoon, the president rejected pornstar Stormy Daniels’ assertion that she had a sexual encounter with him that included a spanking on the rump. Mr. Trump did say, however, that he gave “an innocent gift of twelve frozen flank steaks and two ribeyes” to the X-rated actress after meeting her casually at a golf tournament in New Jersey.
“She told me she loved meat, and Trump steaks are the finest beef you’ll find anywhere in the world,” said the president. “So I gifted her with some of my best cuts. I see no harm in that.”
When pressed about Ms. Daniels’ claim that she received $130,000 from President Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, to keep quiet about the sexual affair as the 2016 election drew closer, the president responded, “You’ll have to ask Michael about that, maybe he’s the one who got the spanking and copulated with this woman. Can you really blame him though, have you seen the jugs on this sixteen siren dame? Tremendous.”
Michael Avenatti, the outspoken lawyer who has been representing Stormy Daniels, responded to the president’s denials via Twitter saying, “The only meat that was involved in this case was the salami between Donald Trump’s legs. He can deny it all he wants, but it was cold hard cash, not frozen Trump steaks, that my client received directly from the president to buy her silence.”
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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.
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–AI
