President Launches PERVERTED POTUS™ Line Of Sex Toys For The Holidays
Hoping to capitalize on his creepy porn image, Donald Trump introduces his own brand of butt plugs, vibrators, and more
Never one to let a money-making opportunity slip by, President Donald Trump has entered the fast-growing sex toy industry with his own line of PERVERTED POTUS™ pleasure toys, available for the 2017 gift-giving season.
The PERVERTED POTUS (or PP) enterprise is being managed by son Eric Trump who has extensive experience with sex toys and fetish devices, but mostly on the consumer side. He was also chosen to run the company because, like many of the butt plugs in the PP line, he is often caught with his head up his ass.
Asked why the president chose now to launch his own brand of pleasure products, Eric Trump said, “There was a lot of interest in my father’s sex life after the sexual harassment allegations against his good friend Harvey Weinstein, and then the Roy Moore child abuse stuff really broke things open. Dad, being a great businessman and all, saw the opportunity to capitalize on his deviant presidency with a line of politically-themed PERVERTED POTUS rubber penises and other masturbatory sex toys, and that’s when we got busy.”
Asked about the initial reaction to the president’s porno pleasure products, Eric could not have been more enthusiastic. “Dad was hoping for instant brand recognition, him being a world leader and all, but the response has exceeded all our projections. If you’ve been reading the papers, you know that perverted politicians are all the rage right now and, as a result, we can’t get enough latex and silicone into the factory. We were crossing our fingers that this would be well-received, but commander in chief kink is much hotter than we expected.”
According to the younger Trump, “The Little PeePee Dildo,” cast from the president’s own small penis, is moving fast, particularly selling well to petite women, and especially in the color orange.
“We can’t keep the Little PeePee in stock right now,” says the Trump scion. “Some women are telling us they’re just buying it as a dog toy, but to us, a sale is a sale. If it gets chewed up and spit out, it’s still money in our pockets.”
In response to a question about future product releases, Eric mentioned a new vibrator concept that came directly from his father in the Oval Office called the “Trump Tower.”
“As you are probably aware, Dad makes up for his small hands and little dick with big ideas — the biggest. He is going to create a 14-foot-high, pink vibrator that more than one naked woman can climb onto at a time. Dad wants to be known not only as the president who grabbed more pussies, but also the man who got more of them off. It’s ambitious, I know, but if anyone can do it, my cocksure Pop can.”
The full line of PERVERTED POTUS™ pleasure toys can be purchased online at donsapervert.com or in the White House gift shop.
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