Truth In Satire

President Fires White House Butler, Holdover From Eisenhower Era

Trump says Cecil Gaines betrayed him by putting tofu in a lunch taco

Cecil Gaines, from a photograph taken in 1965, when he was bringing LBJ his blood pressure medication.

Cecil Gaines, who has been serving presidents in the White House since the late 1950’s, was fired by Donald Trump yesterday for disobedience.

“I was shocked, to be honest,” said the 78-year-old Gaines, who was most recently employed as a day butler for the First Family. “I thought me and the president, we were on good terms, but he turned out to be a real bastard from hell, pardon me for saying so.”

Gaines in 1957, during his first week at The White House.

According to Gaines, the White House chef (who was an Obama appointee) was asked to stay on until Trump’s choice — a cook at one of his failed restaurants — could relocate to Washington. Last Thursday, the chef handed Gaines a taco and asked him to bring it to the president in the Oval Office.

When Trump bit into it, he went berserk, reports Gaines. “He started cursing and swearing, calling me all sorts of names, saying I should go back to Swahililand. Then he just up and fired me, told that guy Rice Princess to show me out the door…