Truth In Satire

President Brags To Aides, “I Deserve Credit For Starting The #MeToo Movement”

As some of television’s most prominent names go down in balls of flame, Trump declares, “Don’t forget, my balls were first!”

Allan Ishac
2 min readNov 30, 2017


President Trump reminds sexual predator, Matt Lauer, that “no one harasses women better than I do.” (

President Donald Trump made it clear that he does not want to be left out of the conversation surrounding major TV and entertainment stars accused of sexual abuse and inappropriate behavior around women.

According to sources inside the White House, anytime someone in the president’s inner circle mentions Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Garrison Keillor, Al Franken, or any of the dozens of other TV and entertainment personalities recently charged with sexual misconduct, Mr. Trump is quick to declare, “Hey, screw those other guys — you’re forgetting that I started it all. Me!”

Keillor has had better days on the prairie. (Credit:

The president’s insistence on being considered a trailblazer on a sensitive issue like sexual misconduct, one that could only damage his reputation, is alarming to Mr. Trump’s advisers who are warning him not to brag about this dubious distinction.

“He doesn’t seem to understand that being a sexual harassment pioneer is not an accomplishment and it won’t improve his standing among voters,” said one female White House staffer who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Mr. Trump wants to be #1 at everything, even if it means undermining his presidency, disgracing the nation, and opening himself up to criminal charges.”

Franken and Rose won’t be doing any television appearances together in the future. (Credit:

The same female staffer also mentioned that when Al Franken was accused last week of grabbing women’s backsides during public photo opportunities, Mr. Trump remarked, “Franken, what an amateur. Sad.”

He also wondered out loud why Charlie Rose waited so long to parade in front of his female interns naked. “I started that bare-assed living room saunter routine in the late 80's — Rose got that from me.”


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Allan Ishac

Bestselling Author. Satirist, Humor Writer at MuddyUm and The Haven. Former advertising creative director. Visit me at