Truth In Satire with Real Quotes from Steve “Pustule” Bannon

Bannon Calls Ryan “A Limp-Dick Motherf**ker,” And 92% Of Nation Agrees

Majority of Americans also concur with Trump aide’s assessment of Senator Mitch McConnell as a “spineless cocksucker”

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Steve Bannon’s ad hominem attack on Congressman Paul Ryan was met with almost unanimous approval by Americans. (Credit: The Daily Beast)

Americans are celebrating the new book Devil’s Bargain by Bloomberg reporter Joshua Green, for its smack down of some of the most despicable politicians in Washington.

President Trump’s chief strategist Steve Bannon is credited with most of the eye-raising epithets in Mr. Green’s book. For example, he called House Speaker Paul Ryan “a limp-dick motherfucker who was born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,” referring to a well-known conservative think tank. According to one national poll, 92% of Americans enthusiastically agreed with him.

Bannon also referred to Senator Mitch McConnell as “a spineless cocksucker who’d make a tastier turtle stew than an effective majority leader.” Bannon was apparently referencing McConnell’s uncanny resemblance to the slow-moving, leathery reptile. This characterization met with approval from 86% of the nation’s citizens.

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When Bannon talks about Sen. McConnell, he draws his head down into his collar to resemble a turtle. (Credit: mpcdot.com)

Devil’s Bargain also quoted the president’s top aide and former Breitbart chairman slinging colorful insults at Jared Kushner (“I’d like to slam his smug mug against a bed of roofing nails”), Ivanka Trump (“She’s got Daddy wrapped around her low IQ — and it appears to be contagious”), Reince Preibus (“I’ve seen garden snakes with more natural backbone and bite than that bureaucratic maggot”), and Kellyanne Conway (“You can source all that lascivious smiling that she does to a pair of ben wa balls Kellyanne keeps tucked up her cucumber canal all day”).

But, according to Green’s book, Bannon saved the best of his jibes for Mike Pence and President Trump himself.

About Vice-President Pence, Bannon apparently told a Breitbart colleague after the election, “Great, eight years of listening to that cornbelt fucktard quote bible scripture.”

And about his boss, Donald Trump, the acerbic Steve Bannon was overheard on Inauguration Day laughing to a friend, “Watch, he’s going to claim that there were more people in the mall than for any other president in history — but pay no attention because he has double vision from the syphilis he didn’t pick up while not serving in Vietnam.”

Bannon himself served as a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy for seven years in the 1970s and early 1980s.

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