Philly Man Takes Bogus Sick Day, But Forgets To Cover Desktop Camera

Office colleagues watch him drinking beers at home, while trolling Nicki Minaj and checking Internet porn sites

Turns out Warren Apelton was not ill, but stayed home without authorization just to drink and cruise porn sites.

Believing that administrative assistant, Warren Apelton, was taking an unauthorized sick day last week, his office colleagues at Colter Cloud in Philadelphia hacked into his home desktop camera … and they weren’t disappointed. Turns out, Apelton spent the day downing about a dozen Rolling Rocks, trolling celebrities on social media, and looking at really smutty porn sites.

“He called in to say he had a cold and fever, but he was just fine,” said Julie Fitch, a colleague who shares a cubicle with Apelton. “We never saw him cough or blow his nose once the entire day. It was all bullshit.”

His supervisor, Lauren Bulger, seemed surprised by Apelton’s delinquency. “Warren is usually really conscientious. When I realized that he had skipped work to basically get drunk and aroused on the Internet, I was very disappointed.”

At one point in the afternoon, Apelton appeared to unzip his pants in preparation to masturbate. That’s when his coworkers had seen enough and had IT terminate the hack.

Reached at his apartment by phone and questioned about his fake illness, Apelton feigned a raspy voice and said, “No way, I’m really sick. I’ve felt like crap all day.” When told about the camera hack and what his associates had witnessed, Apelton seemed to retch before hanging up.

At press time, there was no word as to whether Apelton had returned to Colter Cloud.

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store