Truth In Satire

Pence Uses President’s Foreign Trip To Change Locks On White House Doors

With Trump and his entire staff away on 9-day tour, vice-president attempts major power grab at home

With President Donald Trump and most his senior staff away on a nine-day overseas trip, Vice-President Mike Pence took the opportunity to change the locks on all the White House doors.

The former Indiana governor, who just last week set up his own PAC, a political action committee aimed at forwarding his future political interests, called the move “a chance to upgrade the White House security system.”

But Washington political observers say the sudden “lock swap” appears to be an effort by Mr. Pence to keep President Trump and his senior team out of the White House upon their return to the United States.

“I wouldn’t call it a coup exactly,” said one Pence staffer, who spoke on condition of anonymity, “but I would say that the vice-president views this as an opportunity to exert more influence over the future direction of the country.”

Another Pence insider, speaking off the record, said that the vice-president was acting at the urging of approximately every single citizen of the United States in banishing Mr. Trump from the White House and ending his presidency before any more damage can be done.

A longtime, White House kitchen staffer watched as the drama unfolded. “When I first saw the team of locksmiths rushing toward the front doors, I got scared. But then I realized what was happening and I felt enormous relief — the nightmare of the Trump presidency might actually be coming to an end. Of course, we’ll now have to deal with the nightmare of a Pence presidency, but at least he’s the devil we know.”

Reached in Saudi Arabia late Sunday night with news of the vice-president’s cunning seizure of power, Mr. Trump laughed and said, “What, you think I didn’t know he’d try to do that? I WANTED HIM TO DO IT, YOU IDIOTS! I hate this fucking job. Now I can tell these towel heads to piss off, go home to New York, and take over at FOX for that walrus carcass, Roger Ailes. It’s time to make American TV great again!”


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.


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