Truth In Satire

Octogenarian Docs Develop New Covid Variant That Targets Young, Fit, Healthy People

A team of four retired MDs, miffed at the virus’s rapid return, has engineered a bug aimed only at millennials

Drs. Fulton, Avigne, Desai and Berwitz discuss their “revenge” project. (Photo Credit: www.lhlic.com)

With Covid infections rising fast, four octogenarian medical professionals, calling themselves the “Octo-Docs,” have developed a novel virus that targets the “least” vulnerable people in our society who have no pre-existing conditions.

“We’re sick and tired of all these smug 30-year-olds who think they’re f — king immortal,” said Dr. Ivan Berwitz, a former pulmonary specialist who’s leading the Octo-Docs team. “We’re going to slip this dangerous bug into their IPAs and enjoy the infectious fun.”

Pissed-off after being singled out during the previous COVID wave, and frustrated at their limited ability to return to their normal lifestyles, the retired doctors are determined to exact revenge.

Dr. Ivan Berwitz studying a chemical model of the nasty virus he helped develop. (Photo Credit: betterhelp.com)

Working quietly out of their basement lab at an assisted living facility in Terre Haute, IN, they claim they’ve already unleashed their…