Truth in Satire

Black Savior Becomes A Saint — Plans To Lead NFL’s National Kneeling Protest

Barack Obama says “Enough is enough…it’s time for me to heed America’s call and get under Trump’s skin, starting this Sunday”

Former President Barack Obama, in an audacious move that surprised an entire nation, signed a mid-season contract with the New Orleans Saints on Thursday to play “sideline protest quarterback,” a position the team created especially for him.

The deal pays the former commander in chief just $1 for the season. But it guarantees Mr. Obama a powerful forum in which to enter the national debate about police violence against African-Americans, one that has been distorted by President Trump and turned into a meaningless controversy about standing for the national anthem.

“While I’m not the activist athlete I used to be,” said Mr. Obama on Thursday night, “I can still outmaneuver Donald Trump on a range of issues — actually, on all of them — and the time has come for me to get off the political sidelines and into the game. I can’t let this brain-addled president carry the American football backwards any longer, or this country won’t be around for a next season.”

The former president is expected to suit up as soon as this Sunday and says he plans to drop to a knee early and often. “My objective is to get under Trump’s skin before the coin toss and provoke him into an apoplectic Twitter barrage by halftime. With any luck, he’ll be carted off the field of presidential play by the fourth quarter.”

Asked why he picked now to go on offense against President Trump, the former POTUS said, “After the transfer of power, past protocol suggests that an outgoing president should not criticize his successor for one year. But If I held back for an entire year, this guy might fumble our entire democracy away. I can put up with a lot, but I’m not going to let an amateur president with no playbook let America get sacked, sidelined, or permanently injured.”

In a pop-up poll conducted by The New York Times on Friday morning, 97% of Americans approved of the ex-president joining the NFL to wage a spirited offense against his successor.

Most also agree that it is completely appropriate for Mr. Obama, known to many as “the black savior” or “black messiah.” to become a Saint.


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