Truth In Satire

Nose Job Surgeries Plummet As Patients Now View Vanity Procedure As Unnecessary

Rhinoplasty candidate: “I have a big schnozzola and was going to have it repaired, but now with the masks, why bother?”

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Many rhinoplasty candidates are foregoing the procedure. (Credit: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com)

lective surgeries are down across the country due to coronavirus concerns, but it’s rhinoplasty that’s really taking it on the…chin.

Nose job procedures have plummeted to near zero in hospitals from coast-to-coast as ubiquitous face masks have made the vanity surgical procedure seem suddenly irrelevant.

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Shana Probos says her mask completely covers her big nose so she plans to leave it on for the time-being…the mask, not her nose. (Credit: https://www.cbc.ca/news)

“I was all set to have rhinoplasty in March when the pandemic hit,” said Shana Probos of Albany, NY, who said the size of her nose was always an embarrassment. “But since then I’ve been wearing a face mask every day in public so no one notices my nose anyway. Why spend the money and take the risk when no one even cares?”

“I definitely have a big schnozzola and was going to have it repaired, but now with the masks all the time, why bother? I’d rather spend the money on a new piano that I’ve had my eyes on.”

It is not not known when or if the need for rhinoplasties will return, but orthodontists have now joined Ear, Nose and Throat specialists, who worry that their patients will forego teeth straightening procedures for the same reason.

“Basically, any surgical or corrective procedure below the eyeballs is now threatened,” said one worried orthodontist in Miami, FL. “Those goddamn masks.”

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