Nobel Peace Prize Committee Finds No One To Nominate For First Time In History

“One little kid in Ghana waved us the peace sign, but everyone else was like, go f**k yourself!” — Nobel Chairman, Carl-Henrik Heldin

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It appears that no one is in line to receive the acclaimed Nobel Peace Prize medal this year.

For the first time in its 115-year history, the Norwegian Nobel Committee found no one in the world acting peaceful enough to award them the coveted Nobel Peace Prize.

Alma Concepcion, a player in Barcelona’s Junior Girl’s League, was almost nominated for a Nobel Prize for making peace between competing teams after a bitter championship match

“According to Alfred Nobel’s will, the prize should go to a person who did ‘the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies, and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses,’” said Carl-Henrik Heldin, chairman of the committee. “We searched the entire globe for such a person, but everyone was just so hostile and pissed this year. We briefly considered a 14-year-0ld girl from Spain who got her entire soccer team to shake hands with their arch rivals after a heated championship match, but is that the Nobel standard? We thought not.”

The Nobel Prize ceremony, usually held in Oslo City Hall on December 10th of each year, was instead replaced by an exhibition of traditional Viking clothing. For more information about the ongoing display, visit www.nobelprize.com/vikingstuff.

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