A pontiff for our times…

Vatican To Launch ‘Leo Lira’ Crypto Coin In Bid To Fleece 1.4 Billion Catholics Worldwide

The new American Pope also penned a Netflix deal for an upcoming series titled, ‘The New American Pope’

Pope Leo is expected to be a media savvy mediator between God and his Catholic flock, particularly those with Netflix subscriptions. (Photo Credit: People Magazine)

“Holy Moly,” an elated Pope Leo XIV said during his first public audience at the Vatican.

Bubbling with digital currency excitement, the Pope said he was working with some “very reputable crypto wizards” to launch a sacred Leo Lira coin. He added that the crypto coin is expected to grow the Vatican’s already swollen coffers into the trillions.

However, the pontiff assured his flock of 1.4 billion Catholics, who he urged to buy the coins, that he would eventually release “a portion of these funds to help various charities.”

The new American pope also announced that he’d just penned “a miraculous media deal with Netflix for a blockbuster series all about me titled ‘The New American Pope.’”

Speaking with journalists outside the state-of-the-art, make-up room he’d christened just moments after his election in conclave, the pontiff added, “I knew intensive talks would begin as soon as the white puffs appeared, but I never expected Vatican negotiators to score a deal with Netflix so soon.”

At the end of his address, the Pope added a short footnote, renewing an appeal for world peace.

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Allan Ishac is the author of the metaphysical adventure novel, The Mystic In The Mews, as well as the best-selling guidebook, New York’s 50 Best Places To Find Peace And Quiet.

See more at allanishac.com.