The entire nation appealed to President-Elect Donald Trump today to give it a break on Sundays so it can recuperate from the verbal, physical, and cyber assaults of the previous week and gather its strength for the next.
“You aren’t even president yet and we’re already exhausted,” said American citizens in an open letter to Mr. Trump. “If you rested on the seventh day — just like God — we could all take a break from the hypervigilance we’ve been exercising and recover for a few hours before facing another week of traumatic shocks, awful surprises, and tearful talks with our children about the possibility that the world could end before they reach their teens.”
The letter arrived at Trump Tower in a gift box that included a Zen meditation tape, a lavender-scented candle, a box of Valerian Root tea, a free class pass to Buddha B Yoga in D.C., as well as a generous gift card for a relaxing weekend at the Canyon Ranch resort in Lenox, MA, with one complimentary aromatherapy massage.
In return, the nation received this brief response from the Trump camp:
Thank you for your letter and lovely gift box.
As you’ve probably noticed, the president-elect has an incredible amount of energy, as well as spectacularly high testosterone levels — the highest of any president in history—so he is physiologically unable to slow down.
That’s one of the reasons why he’ll be so effective at taking on ISIS, Mexico, difficult blacks, the Chinese, Congress, germs, Lockheed Martin, Rosie O’Donnell, fags, CNN, Pocahontas, Maureen Dowd, and anyone else who pisses him off.
We will certainly let the president-elect know about your heartfelt concerns and distribute your thoughtful gifts among the staff here at the office.
In closing, we urge you to strap in, hang on, and stop whining because the real action doesn’t begin until January 20th.
Kellyanne Conway and the Trump Transition Team
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.