Truth About Satire

MYSTERY SOLVED: It Was Donald Trump Who Bit Beyonce In The Face

Angry that Bey and Jay-Z have rejected him, the groper-in-chief took a nip at the superstar during a December after-party

#WhoBitBeyonce is no longer a mystery.

It was Donald Trump.

One guest who was in attendance at the party where the biting incident occurred back in December, remembers: “The president was clearly angry that Beyonce and Jay-Z have turned against him and taken all the A-list celebrities with them, so he just snuck up behind Bey and sunk his teeth into her face.”

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who is a friend of Beyonce’s, wasn’t at the notorious after-party but says Bey admitted to her that it was a disgruntled Donald Trump who munched on her face. “Beyonce doesn’t want to unleash the full sting of the Beyhive on the president but, yes, it was his dentures that chewed on her cheeks.”

Jay-Z has been virtually silent on the subject of President Trump trying to eat his wife, but privately he has told friends that he’s considering ways to exact revenge on POTUS45.

“He is thinking about following up his historic 4:44 studio album with a Fuck 45 release,” said a close friend of the rapper. “Jay-Z believes that a #1 debut for Fuck 45 would really mess with the president’s head.”

Word out of Beyonce’s camp is that she might also release a solo record attacking Donald Trump and his presidency called, “Bite Me Again, Bitch, And I’ll Drive My Fingernails Into Your Eyeballs.”

No word from the White House confirming or denying that Donald Trump bit Beyonce, but a spokesman for the president quoted him as saying: “How you going to upgrade me, what’s higher than number one?” and “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man.”


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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