Truth In Satire

Mueller Tells Staff: “This Swine Is Mine”

Special counsel gets ready to butcher “President Porker,” carving him up into impeachable pieces

President Trump is ready for slaughter, according to people inside Robert Mueller’s office. (Credit: and

Special counsel Robert Mueller is just weeks away from putting Donald Trump’s head on the chopping block, according to sources inside his office.

“Bob [Mueller] walked in the other day smiling and said, ‘This swine is mine,’” reported one of Mr. Mueller’s lead prosecutors. “It came immediately after Rick Gates pleaded guilty to serious charges that will bring Manafort down and probably implicate the president. With Hope Hicks now talking to Bob and Manafort about to spill his guts, too, Boss Hog won’t be in the Oval Office much longer.”

The same sources are reporting that Mr. Mueller could be ready to release the indictments that will lead to President Porker’s inevitable impeachment as soon as April 1st.

“I’ve honestly never seen Bob so happy,” said another prosecutor working in the special counsel’s office. “He actually had this photoshopped image of Trump looking like a fattened sow going to market, with the choicest cuts marked ‘collusion,’ ‘obstruction,’ ‘money laundering, ‘treason,’ ‘conspiracy to defraud,’ like that. If I was the president I’d be getting ready to drag my unpardonable bacon off to prison because that’s where he’s headed.”

There was no comment from the White House except a one line statement saying that President Trump does not appreciate being compared to a sow.


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