Dear President Trumplethinskin,
I specialize in dishonest and bad reporting.
It’s all fake, every post — just a bunch of malarkey from my brain, which is a very good brain, but not as good as yours.
After you stumbled into the presidency ass first in 2016, I started to post political humor every day, seven days a week, with the sole intention of jangling your fragile ego and driving you from the Oval Office — one that you are unqualified to vacuum, much less occupy.
Now that you are flirting with an indictment for obstruction of justice, and your presidency is about to crash and burn, I think I should be acknowledged for my tireless efforts when you announce your Fake New Awards on January 17th.
I know that Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah and the rest of the late night talk show guys are campaigning for your attention with full page ads and Times Square billboards, but they’ve got full-time writing teams and big network budgets behind them.
I’m just a putz on my own. Yet in December alone, nearly a million people read my satirical posts savaging you, your family, and your presidency, and that happened with no budget, no comedy writers, and not much talent — just a sheer act of will, daily perseverance, and the depth of my revulsion for you and all your represent.
With more than 400 posts since October 2016, and an e-book dedicated to smashing, bashing, and trashing you, there is not a single aspect of your loathsome character and corrupt administration that I haven’t skewered with total disregard for journalistic integrity, reliable sourcing, or decent grammar.
How despicable is that? I meet all your criteria!
Just consider these rude, disrespectful, yet very popular posts, if you will:
- Rejected Secret Service Code Names for the President and First Lady
- In England Trump Means Fart…and Other Amusing Translations of the President’s Surname
- President Fires White House Butler, Holdover From Eisenhower Administration
- Sean Spicer’s Ruthless Resignation Letter
- Crayola To Retire Dandelion Colored Crayon After Pressure From White House
- Melania: “If He Touches Me Again, There Will Be No Need For Impeachment”
- Trump Shocked To Learn Puerto Ricans Are U.S. Citizens After Their Plea For Storm Aid
- Woman Fired For Flipping Off Trump’s Motorcade Receives 453,673 Job Offers
In summation, President Creep Throat, I have done more to defile your name and diminish your presidency than virtually any one else in the dishonest and crooked media … and I have done it alone (do you have a “Sole Proprietor Satire” category?).
So if you feel as I do, that as a total hack and con artist, I am deserving of public shaming by the White House and would be a thoroughly dishonorable recipient of one of your fake media awards, please disgrace me in the category of your choice at the awards ceremony.
I’ll be waiting by the phone.
Or just tweet me.
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.