Truth In Satire

Morgan Freeman’s Million Dollar Vocal Chords Ask For Exemption On Sex Charges

Actor’s iconic voice, insisting it was not involved in his sexual harassment case, sues for the right to keep earning

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Should a voice be responsible for the sexual misconduct of the man it speaks for? No, says Morgan Freeman’s vocal chords. (Credit:

he famous voice heard in beloved movies like The Shawshank Redemption, Bruce Almighty, March of the Penguins and War of the Worlds is demanding that it have the right to keep working even after the man who uses it, Morgan Freeman, was accused by several women of sexual harassment.

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As God, Mr. Freeman’s voice soothed many a soul. (Credit:

“I was never involved in any of the inappropriate touching incidents that Mr. Freeman has been accused of,” said Morgan Freeman’s million dollar vocal chords in a characteristically smooth, soothing tone. “As a result, I believe I should be able to continue working even while the investigation into his bad behavior continues.”

It is estimated that Mr. Freeman’s voice, recently voted the most iconic voice of all time, earns more than $25 million a year, while the actor himself earns about $10 million for his movie performances.

“I don’t believe I should be punished for the misbehavior of the man within whom reside,” continued Mr. Freeman’s vocal chords. “It would serve no purpose for me to be penalized for the appalling actions of an 80-year-old sexual predator when I bring so much comfort to movie goers and gravitas to the film roles in which I’m involved.”

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Morgan Freeman may end up in jail, but his voice doesn’t want to go with him. (Credit:

It is unusual for vocal chords to declare autonomy from the person for whom they speak, but Morgan Freeman’s voice is unique, appearing in hundreds of movies, TV commercials, video games, even GPS apps.

“Morgan Freeman will have to defend himself against these accusations in the way he feels is best,” said his voice, “but I speak for myself when I say that I’m totally innocent and believe I should be allowed to earn a living through poignant narration and inspirational voice-overs as long as I am able, whether Mr. Freeman goes to prison or not.”

A judge in California will rule on the exemption of Morgan Freeman’s vocal chords next week.


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