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Truth In Satire
Mitch Stands Firm: “I Will Finish My … (2-Minute Freeze)… Term!”
GOP leader added, “There is nothing wrong with me (stare-off) that a good (long pause) Kentucky bourbon (go rigid ) can’t fix.”
In a defiant speech on Wednesday, 81-year-old Senator Mitch McConnell said it was a testament to his good health that, “I only froze-up, paused, or stared off into space three times while delivering my remarks today. That should finally put to rest any calls for me to step down as minority leader.”
McConnell dismissed concerns about his two previous freeze-up incidents in the past month, saying he was, “Just practicing my poker face for a big ‘studs’ tournament in Vegas next month.”
The GOP leader also presented a letter issued by the U.S. Capitol physician calling him “the healthiest 81-year-old man with stroke and seizure symptoms that I have ever seen.”
In support of his longtime senate colleague, President Biden said he’d also be entering the Las Vegas poker tournament, “… where I’ll join my good buddy in occasional bouts of lightheadedness to show Americans that you can still shuffle your feet … I mean, shuffle the cards … and play a winning hand.”
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I’ve been away awhile (writing a novel for three years), but I’m back. Hope you’ll join me again.
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Thank you. Sending lots of love and laughter … to friends and frenemies alike.
–AI
