Truth In Satire

Mike Pompeo Met With Kim Jong-Un To Discuss Political Asylum For Trump

The president sent C.I.A. director to North Korea to arrange safe refuge in a country where no one would think to look for him

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Mike Pompeo asked Kim Jong-Un to grant the president political asylum in exchange for a few cartons of American cigarettes and some call girls. (Credit:

was reported on Tuesday that Donald Trump dispatched his C.I.A. director Mike Pompeo to North Korea in early April to discuss political asylum for the president.

According to a person inside the White House with knowledge of the meeting, Mr. Pompeo visited the communist nation to conduct direct talks with its Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un.

“With the Mueller inquiry raising the heat on Mr. Trump, and the F.B.I. raid last week on the office of the president’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, the time is fast approaching when Donald Trump will need to flee the country,” said the White House source. “He met with Ivanka, Jared and his two sons at the end of March and all agreed that the last place on earth anyone would think to look for him was in North Korea. So the president decided to get the ball rolling by sending Mike over there to make arrangements.”

The choice of North Korea as a country in which to seek the protection of political asylum seems an unlikely one for Mr. Trump, who has been trading harsh insults with the North Korean leader for months and has even threatened to unleash the full force of the American military against the beleaguered nation.

But many political observers say it is the shrewdest choice possible. They suggest that President Trump may have been planning for more than a year to make his getaway to North Korea, and has been publicly antagonizing its leader to throw international law enforcement off his scent.

“From what I heard, Pompeo offered Kim Jong-un a couple truck loads of potatoes, a few cartons of American cigarettes, a hundred thousand bags of Skittles, some call girls from the Midwest, and Dennis Rodman in exchange for the president’s asylum,” added the source. “The supreme leader went for it immediately.”

It is not known when President Trump might make his break for North Korea, but an aggressive offensive by adult film star Stormy Daniels in the past few days is making it nearly impossible for the president to conduct business as usual. White House watchers say Mr. Trump could bolt as early as next week for Pyongyang into the waiting arms of Kim Jong-un.

LATE BREAKING: Mike Pompeo was forced to make a second trip to North Korea last week when it was learned that Kim Jong-un had granted President Trump a place in an insane asylum, not political asylum. Mr. Pompeo met with envoys of the supreme leader to qualify the nature and terms of their asylum agreement.


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