Recent reports of rodents, ants and roaches infiltrating the Trump White House have raised alarm at the FBI and other U.S. intelligence agencies.
“We’re not talking about all the cockroaches that arrived along with Donald Trump on the first day of his administration,” said one FBI special agent assigned to the case, “We’re looking at miniature devices disguised as roaches and video recorders hidden inside mouse bodies. Putin has people with access to the Oval Office who could scatter such devices.”
While the FBI is saying little, they have acknowledged that a colony of ants living inside the pants of Trump policy adviser, Stephen Miller, is actually a cluster of mini-microphones.
“We were suspicious when Miller kept shifting his weight from one leg to the other during a recent photo opp with the president,” confirmed the FBI source. “When we looked more closely, we saw that mechanical ants were leaving Miller’s leg, scurrying up the president’s suit jacket, and embedding themselves under his toupee. By any measure, this is a serious breach of security. Also a breach of good taste, but I’m talking about the toupee, now, not the insect-like listening devices.”
One of the most alarming infestation problems was detected in the White House Situation Room where several large rodents were seen not only scurrying across the floor, but taking their own seats around the conference table. Mr. Trump apparently never noticed the attentive vermin because he already has so many dirty rats in his administration.
Operatives from various intelligence services are now combing through the White House, as well as the president’s artificial hairpiece, to eradicate Russian surveillance devices from America’s political power center.
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