Truth In Satire

McCain Now Says Trump Can Attend His Funeral “If He Agrees To Trade Places With Me”

Arizona senator offers president a prominent role at his memorial service “where he’ll be the center of attention”

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Decorated veteran and patriot John McCain has a plan to bury Donald Trump’s agenda. (Credit:

enator John McCain, contemplating end-of-life decisions as he struggles with an acute form of brain cancer, said last week that he does not want President Donald Trump to attend his funeral.

But on Thursday, Mr. McCain had a change of heart tweeting, “I’ve decided that if Donald Trump is willing to trade places with me, then he’s welcome to come.”

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If Mr. McCain has it his way, President Trump will be viewing the senator’s funeral from his own box seat. Credit:

Sen. McCain also said that he would invite President Trump to give a eulogy “as long as he jumps into the coffin immediately after he delivers his remarks.”

Meghan McCain, who has been at her father’s side at the family’s Arizona ranch throughout his illness, elaborated on the senator’s wishes: “My father has been saying for the past year and a half that the sooner President Trump is dead and buried, the better off the country will be. Dad sees this as a way to speed up that process.”

A lifelong friend of the senator’s, former Vice-President Joe Biden, called Mr. McCain’s gesture “John’s final patriotic gift to the country he loves.”

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Sen. McCain has told former VP Joe Biden to “go follicle to follicle with Trump…give ’em hell!” (Credit:

“This admired maverick has given everything to his nation, both as a Navy pilot and a politician,” said Mr. Biden. “I think that using his own funeral to rid America of the scourge that is Donald Trump should be considered the last great act of an American hero. We should all be thankful to John.”

The White House responded to Senator McCain’s invitation with this brief statement: “While President Trump would like to attend the senator’s funeral service in order to slam the lid on the casket and put a padlock on it, his schedule may not permit him to travel to Arizona. However, regarding an invitation to switch places with Senator McCain during the memorial ceremony, the president has asked his personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, to make himself available for the swap instead.”

Mr. McCain’s family says that the senator will continue his cancer treatment in Arizona while using the last of his “maverick” energies to fight the nomination of torture enthusiast Gina Haspel as CIA Director while deep sixing the president’s morally bankrupt, anti-American agenda in any way he can.


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