Truth In Satire:

Manafort To Trump: “They Have Miniature Golf Here, I Think You’re Going To Like It”

As president’s former campaign manager spends first day in jail, he texts boss to say “be sure to pack an extra pair of butt plugs”

President Donald Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was carted off to prison on Friday morning after a federal judge ruled he had egregiously violated the terms of his release.

Just hours after he became acclimated to his new surroundings, Mr. Manafort, a key potential witness against President Trump in the Russia scandal, sent a text message to his former boss that read, “Don, not as bad as I thought in here. Mattresses are thin but comfortable, they have miniature golf in the prison yard, and the food isn’t five-star but edible. Take note, showers are communal so be sure to pack an extra pair of butt plugs.”

Mr. Manafort also told the president, “I have requested that you become my cellmate when you arrive, but there are no guarantees. See what you can do on your end.”

Mr. Manafort is the first of many Trump co-conspirators to spend time behind bars, but most law enforcement officials feel he won’t be the last. “We have our money on Jr. going next,” said an FBI investigator who spoke off the record, referring to Donald Trump Jr., “but who knows, could be Kushner, could be Princess Ivanka, could even be Pence if these people don’t start singing to Mueller.”

Special counsel Robert Mueller seems to be near completing his investigation into Trump campaign staff and administration officials who cooperated with Russia to throw the election to the president.

Many close to Mr. Mueller say he has already purchased the size XXL orange jumpsuit that he will be giving to Donald Trump when the commander-in-cheat is sent away.


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store