Truth In Satire

Macy’s Will Add Trump Balloon For 2019 Thanksgiving Day Parade

Department store says that new balloon will be “without a doubt, our biggest windbag ever”

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If you’ve been thinking our current president is full of hot air, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Macy’s announced today that they will be introducing a President Trump balloon for the 2019 Thanksgiving Day Parade.

“This is the first time a U.S. president will be depicted as a balloon in our parade,” said Macy’s president, Peter Hurcombe. “It seemed like the right year to do it, with our president being both a famous New Yorker and the consummate windbag. For many Americans, he also seems like a fictional character, which will makes him the ideal helium-filled creation.”

For Macy’s 95th annual parade this year, the President of the United States will join Pikachu, Thomas The Tank Engine, Angry Bird, Charlie Brown, and many other iconic fantasy figures floating above New York’s streets. The Trump balloon will be more than five stories tall and 40 Secret Service agents will be needed to man the guide ropes and keep the president from floating away.

Asked if the addition of the President Trump balloon is definite, Mr. Hurcombe said, “We’re 90% certain — our latex designers are having some trouble matching Mr. Trump’s unusual orange hair and complexion, but we won’t start building the new balloon until April, so we have a few months to nail his signature coloring. We’re optimistic.”

Mr. Hurcombe added that there was initial concern among Macy’s parade staff that the Trump balloon might be too scary for children, but concluded that it was too late to worry about that now.

This year’s Thanksgiving Day parade will be held on Thursday, November 23rd. It is not known whether President Trump is planning to attend.

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