Truth In Satire

Kushner Upstages Melania’s Christmas Hall Of Horrors With Monster Menorah

“This year it will be safe to say ‘Happy Hanukkah’ in America again,” declares Jewish son-in-law of anti-Semitic president

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The towering menorah that Jared Kushner had erected to overshadow the First Lady’s Christmas decorations. (Credit: www.politico.com)

aying he believes that Hanukkah should play a larger role in White House holiday celebrations, Jared Kushner, the Jewish son-in-law of Donald Trump, upstaged the First Lady as she unveiled her Christmas decor (including her heavily mocked “Hall of Horrors”), by erecting a huge, 25-ft menorah on the South Lawn.

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Dubbed “The Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue,” Melania’s Christmas decorations appear to be designed by Satan Claus. (Caption: www.elleuk.com)

“If there is any question that the Trump administration embraces the Jewish people joyously, my monumental menorah should put an end to that controversy once and for all,” said Kushner.

According to White House sources, Mr. Kushner also passed out gelt (chocolate covered Hanukkah coins) and dreidels (a spinning top with Hebrew letters on all four sides) to children of the White House staff before Melania had a chance to hand out her carefully-selected Christmas gifts, which apparently annoyed the First Lady.

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Kushner wants his wife, Ivanka, to lobby with her father for a Chabad Lubavitch Mitzvah Tank to be parked on the White House grounds during the Hanukkah holiday. (Credit: REUTERS/Debbie Hill/Pool)

“He came by and passed out yarmulkes to all the male staffers in preparation for a huge Hanukkah blowout party he said he’s planning,” revealed a junior speech writer in the White House communications department who is not Jewish. “Melania was organizing an afternoon of Christmas caroling around the holiday tree in her weird “Hall of Horrors” for that same day and was really pissed off when she heard Jared preempted her. She went bitching straight to the president on that one.”

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Members of New York’s Hasidic Hassan Hanukkah Glee Club, brought in by Kushner, wait to sing under the enormous White House menorah. (Credit: AOL.com)

Oval Office insiders are said to be worried that Jared’s “Jewish-ing” of the White House for the holidays might alienate the president’s all-white, anti-Semitic, Christian fundamentalist base, while Melania’s “satanic” decorating style might convince them she is the Slovenian she-devil.

Those same close advisers have been lobbying Mr. Trump to remove all evidence of a Hanukkah celebration from public view.

The president is said to be hesitant as he loves barbecued brisket and potato latkes, typical Hanukkah holiday foods.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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