Truth In Satire

Kushner Furious Over Loss Of Toy Flak Jacket Along With Top Security Clearance

President’s son-in-law reportedly stomped into Oval Office demanding return of fake bulletproof vest and pretend Glock service pistol

Jared Kushner wearing the toy flak jacket with his name on it, that colleagues in the Trump White House say he covets. (Credit:

Jared Kushner, President Trump’s son-in-law and a trusted advisor, had his top-secret security clearance downgraded on Tuesday.

White House sources say that Kushner was initially forced to give up his ill-fitting, plastic G.I. Joe helmet, too. (Credit:

But, according to White House sources, it was not the reduction of his classified security status that infuriated Kushner as much as the confiscation of some toy military equipment that was issued to him during a trip to Iraq last year.

“Jared stormed into the Oval Office on Tuesday afternoon to confront President Trump,” said a White House staffer speaking on condition of anonymity. “He demanded that his father-in-law let him keep the toy flak jacket, imitation Glock service pistol, and plastic military helmet, or Jared said he was going to quit.”

According to the White House source, the president then turned to Chief of Staff John Kelly, a former Marine Corps general, and told him to give Kushner back his playthings. By that point, Kushner was having a full tantrum, crying and stamping his feet.

The 37-year-old “boy wonder” of the Trump administration appeared mollified when Kelly brought in the seized imitation military gear, and immediately slipped the vest on over his suit jacket.

It is not known how the loss of his high-level security clearance might impact Kushner’s work on a number of sensitive foreign affairs negotiations, including his efforts to bring about Middle East peace. But those close to Kushner say that he’ll now be able to resume playing war games on the White House grounds with other administration staffers, an after hours recreational activity that Mr. Trump’s son-in-law greatly enjoys.


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