Kellyanne Conway’s To Do List For November 9th

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  • Shower, shower, shower
  • Unfriend Rudy on FB
  • Let Ivanka know what I really think
  • Resume Tuesday night bridge game with Donna Brazile, Jill Biden, Madonna
  • Apologize to family, explain I was only kidding
  • Ask Steve Schmidt about possible MSNBC job
  • Have affair with Joe Scarborough
  • Have affair with Rachel Maddow
  • Have affair with Chris Matthews
  • Tell girls at country club I was just kidding
  • Get smell of Don’s cologne off my clothes
  • Leak story to NY Times about Trump org paying off other 263 ‘gropees’
  • Host SNL, make Bruce musical guest
  • Tell asshole Curt Schilling to stop calling me
  • Drop kids at school, tell other parents it was all big joke
  • Pick up nasty woman t-shirt from Sam Bee
  • Make Melania promise she’ll take Barron to therapy
  • Let lawn guy (Hector/Jorge??) know I don’t agree with DT
  • Drop 12 dozen leftover Trump caps at Goodwill
  • Call lawyer to sue Don for $150k in unpaid invoices
  • Sleep till fucking Friday

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