Just keep your Springboks tshirt on, Jon, and relax. Eat your popcorn and check back in with me on August 18th.

I’ve already had some numerologists and astrologists confirm my prediction right here in the comments section, so suck it, brother.

And, people, would you all please take a look at Jon’s thumbnail photo and ask yourselves, what the fuck have I been doing? Half the time your photos are taken at night, or I can only see one cheek, or you’re facing in the other direction and basically mooning the camera.

Even though Jon is from Cape Town, like at the bottom of the whole fucking world, he knows how to take a profile shot. Like, see, he’s smiling. So basic. Most of you people appear to be sucking lemons, or working for Lucifer in the pits of hell, you look so miserable.

Jon, you got that tutorial ready on How to Take A Medium Profile Photo? No? Well, get it ready, brother, stop fucking around behind that bar, or wherever you’re doing there. You know, I’ve always said that Afrikaners would be halfway decent people if they weren’t always drunk.

So long, mate.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store