Truth In Satire

Judge Orders Trump To Remove Listening Devices From His Hair

Besides bugs under his rug, a federal judge alerted prosecutors to 6 other places where the indicted ex-president is hiding spyware

Trump’s personal Surveillance Operations Chief photographed burying an eavesdropping device in his toupee. (Credit: Metro US)

Afederal judge has warned prosecutors that the indicted ex-president is recording everything using cleverly hidden spyware.

“I’ve told all who have dealings with Mr. Trump to be careful,” said Federal Judge Victor Fibfindre, “because he will try to electronically document all you say in a preemptive effort to blackmail you later on.”

In a memorandum, Judge Fibfindre revealed six places that court officials are encouraged to examine before questioning or confronting Trump:

1. The ubiquitous American flag lapel pin is not worn because Trump was born on Flag Day or carries an ounce of patriotism. It’s stuck to his golf polos and his pajamas, too, proving it’s sophisticated spyware that’s constantly turned on.

He doesn’t wear the flag pin because he was born on Flag Day. (Photo Credit: Saul Loeb/Getty Images)

2. That Scotch tape on the back of his neckties is not there to hold the ends together. It’s to keep…