Ivanka, Eric and Don Jr. Decide To Remove Trump Name From Their Birth Certificates

Inspired by the residents of three NYC apartment complexes, the siblings say the move will help eliminate any conflicts of interest

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Donald Trump’s three eldest children decided that their famous last name would impede fair business dealings and insisted that changing it had nothing to do with concerns about being the target of apoplectic liberal assassins.

Claiming that they don’t want their last name to unduly influence clients who might want to do business with them in the future, the three Trump children have started legal proceedings to have their famous father’s surname removed from their birth certificates.

“We don’t want our business associates to feel any extra pressure in negotiating with us because we’re the president’s children,” said Ivanka who spoke from the lobby of Trump Tower along with her two siblings who were frequently looking over their shoulders. “This will help us keep an even playing field and avoid conflicts of interest.”

Asked if the unexpected move had anything to do with the fact that the president-elect’s family is receiving constant death threats and none of them can safely venture farther than the heavily-secured lobby of their father’s signature building, Donald Jr. said, “Absolutely not. Being unable to walk the streets of the city we love without people heckling, harassing or spitting on us has nothing to do with this decision. It’s purely a business issue.”

Taking their cue from a trio of apartment buildings located on the Upper West Side of Manhattan that had the Trump name removed from their opulent facades today, the three siblings have similarly decided to change their last names to the more generic and very unusual “Riverside Boulevard.”

Eric Riverside Boulevard was excited to finalize the name change and get on with business: “Fair and equitable business dealings have always been the hallmark of our family enterprises, and this slight name modification ensures that the high standard we have set will never change.” His sister Ivanka Riverside Boulevard and brother Donald Riverside Boulevard nodded in agreement.

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