Truth In Satire

Ivanka Becomes Hysterical When Told She Has To Visit Red States Again In 2020

Sources say Ivanka Trump screamed at her father, “I won’t be caught dead at another Nebraska pancake breakfast, ever!”

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President Trump got an earful from his daughter after telling her she has to campaign again in states with farms and factories. (Credit: thetelegraph.com)

an audiotape leaked from the White House over the weekend, Donald Trump’s eldest daughter, Ivanka, is heard yelling at her father about visiting red states to campaign for the upcoming 2020 presidential election.

“You told me if we won, I would never have to travel any farther west than the Hudson, unless it was to L.A. or Aspen,” screamed Ivanka, apparently from inside the Oval Office. “You lied to me, Daddy, you lied!”

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Earlier this year, Ivanka was heard telling her publicist “if you ever schedule me for another Arkansas prison visit, you’re fired.”

President Trump’s eldest daughter is heard mocking and maligning the uneducated, rural Republican voters who supported her father’s candidacy in 2016. The five minute audiotape of the Trump scion captures her harshly condemning “those dumb ass hicks who actually think you give a shit about them” and swearing that she’ll “never shake hands with another smelly Iowa pig farmer again.”

At one point, the sound of shattering glass is heard as Ivanka, who is married to real estate executive and Russian conspirator, Jared Kushner, reminds her father in shrill tones of promises he made to her and her husband before the 2016 election:

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Ivanka told her father that she drew the line at holding a pitchfork and wearing overalls, which he did during a 2016 campaign event in Kansas. (Credit: Mathew Imaging/FilmMagic)

“You said the whole thing was nothing more than a business opportunity — that it would be good publicity for my clothing line, a chance for Jared to score some foreign real estate deals, and free advertising for the new hotels. Then Hillary goes all kryptonite on us and you accidentally win! It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Daddy. And no one wants you to run again, no one, especially not me!”

Mr. Trump is then heard trying to calm his daughter down, but she has more to say: “How did this happen? How did my billionaire father become the champion of every lowlife unemployed high school dropout hayseed in every coal town in the country!”

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The president promised his daughter a new Bugatti Veyron sports car for her campaigning cooperation. (Credit: www.boxymo.ie/)

Other voices are then heard. Chief of Staff John Kelly tells Ivanka in measured tones that she can’t hit the president.

Jared Kushner walks in jingling what sounds like jewelry, apparently trying to mollify his wife with rings, necklaces and bracelets.

But it is ultimately President Trump himself who manages to pacify his daughter using an extravagant bribe: “Honey, just a few more truck and tractor pulls and Daddy is going to give you the keys to a brand new Bugatti Veyron, just like the one Kim Kardashian drives.”

Sniffles are heard, high-heeled footsteps pass through the room, and a door opens and closes.

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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