Truth In Satire
Intrepid Colorado 5th Graders Sue Donald Trump For “Destroying Our Futures”
Playing at his own game, tenacious ten-year-olds take president to court for “recklessly endangering our fates, fortunes, and futures”
A class of politically savvy fifth graders, concerned about the antediluvian and irresponsible policies of President Donald Trump, which they say are placing their futures in jeopardy, have sued America’s leader in a Denver federal district court.
“We regularly watch an online news program created for school children and one afternoon last spring they saw a report about President Trump withdrawing America from the Paris climate accord,” said Kyle Rappaport, a teacher at Will Rodgers Elementary School in Broomfield, CO. “The kids were so upset with his decision, and so concerned about climate change and the future of our planet, they asked me if there was anything they could do. I suggested writing a group letter to Mr. Trump, but the mother of one of my students, Matthew Blaustein, who is an attorney here in town, suggested that the children take it a step further and sue the president. The kids loved the idea.”
“It started as a crazy notion,” said Audrey Blaustein, Matthew’s mother, “but it quickly gained steam as my son’s classmates, the faculty at the Will Roger’s School, and the Broomfield Board of Education all thought it would give the children a chance to see how our legal system works, how much their voices matter as young American citizens, and whether a lawsuit would get President Trump to rethink his most dangerous and contemptible positions. Their fervor and determination convinced me to take them on as pro bono clients, and now my firm has helped these confident kids file a lawsuit in U.S. district court.”
Ms. Blaustein legal action contends that President Trump and his administration are “making irrational and thoughtless decisions that are degrading the environment, obstructing free speech, and running against the will of a majority of Americans. He is recklessly endangering our fates, fortunes, and futures. We are suing to have the court declare him irresponsible, incompetent, and psychologically unstable, necessitating immediate implementation of the 25th Amendment which allows the president to be removed if he or she is not able to effectively perform the duties of office.”
Ms. Blaustein said that the Denver district court has read her petition and has agreed to hear the case of Mr. Rappaport’s Fifth Grade Class vs President Donald Trump and is expected to place it on the dockets for late October.
“The children are so excited,” said Mr. Rappaport. “They keep asking if their lawsuit could force President Trump out of office and, if so, would television cameras come to our school. I told them that if their legal action succeeds in ousting the president, they would not only be on TV, the world would reward them the Nobel Peace Prize. Now we’re studying about Alfred Nobel and doing a virtual tour of Oslo, Norway so the kids can see where they will be going to collect their peace medals.”
The White House had no comment on the lawsuit by the Colorado ten-year-olds, other than to say that Mr. Trump would be watching archived episodes of the FOX television quiz show, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?, while on vacation at his golf club in New Jersey.
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