White House watchers scrutinizing signs that Donald Trump’s exit from the Oval Office is imminent, need look no farther than the fountain pen of Mike Pence.
The vice-president is keeping busy, sources close to the second in command say, practicing a fancy new personal signature to be used for issuing executive orders once he is named POTUS46 in the days or weeks ahead.
“Like everyone else in Washington, Mike knows that it’s over, that Trump’s day are numbered, and it’s just a matter of time before he’ll be occupying the Oval,” said one White House source close to both men. “He’s already shown me the new flair he’s added to his signature and it’s really impressive — very presidential. Mike’s ready.”
There are also multiple reports from inside the White House that when Mr. Trump goes to Mar-a-Lago on the weekends, Mike Pence slips behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and pretends to be the new commander in chief. Aides say he is quickly perfecting the speaking cadence and fluid gestures of a formidable national leader and would be prepared to take over the highest office in the land today if he was called upon to do so.
“Vice-President Pence is not only a good signer of documents,” said one of his closest advisers, speaking off the record, “he can also furrow his brow with solemnity and pretend to be genuinely concerned about the American people — say if he had to meet the parents of a fallen U.S. soldier or something like that. Honestly, there’s nothing Mike can’t do when it comes to acting like he’s a serious statesman and potential leader of the free world.”
Asked how long the vice-president thought it would be before Donald Trump resigned and he was named the 46th president of the United States, Pence’s adviser answered, “No one knows for sure, but the way things are melting down here, there isn’t a soul who expects the Trump presidency to last past the middle of September. Mueller is up his ass, McConnell and Ryan have abandoned him, Jared and Ivanka have gone back to New York, and we can even hear Melania’s fingernails slashing the air when the president retires to his private quarters at night. He walks around the halls lost and lonely, and he looks like a beaten man who’s swallowed too many dog farts. I think he’s gone batty, to be honest. He even let’s Eric and Don Jr. visit him in the White House now and he hates those two bozos — it’s a clear sign the president is totally isolated, desperately longing for attention, and nearing the end.”
With recent polls showing that Americans prefer Mike Pence as president by a 2–1 margin over Mr. Trump, it’s no wonder that autograph collectors are bidding up authenticated Pence signatures on e-bay, expecting the value of his graph to rise once he does become president.
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.
Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.