In Last Ditch Effort, Trump Hires Tony The Tiger As Campaign Surrogate

Candidate attracted to cereal mascot’s signature pitch line

Saying that Tony The Tiger perfectly captures the spirit of his populist message, Donald Trump has hired the famous Frosted Flakes feline to be his chief surrogate during the last two-and-a-half weeks of the campaign.

Appearing at a Mar-a-Largo news conference with the breakfast cereal icon, Trump said, “Tony has been speaking our message for more than 65 years and also has the muscle we need for intimidation at the polls. He’s loved by our core deplorables who always start the day with a bowl of sugar and, like me, Tony appears to be snorting cocaine.”

Asked to comment, Tony the Tiger, whose real name is Anthony Tegerasino, said simply, “Let’s make America grrreat again!!”

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Tony The Tiger has joined the Trump campaign to push the candidate’s populist message with millennials.

Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s campaign manager, said that Tegerasino would be employed across the country in an effort to attract millennials, a key constituency that Trump has not been able to reach. Millennials, a voting block that seems never to grow up, are the largest consumers of Frosted Flakes in the country.

One 28-year-old Florida woman who attended the news conference, Kristie Carson, said when asked about Trump’s new hire, “I was really leaning toward Hillary but Tony backing Trump changes things for me. I’ll probably vote for Trump, unless Clinton brings in someone like Cap’n Crunch.”

Billy O’Brien, an undecided voter living in the battleground state of Ohio, also reacted to the Tegerasino news, “Wow, Tony’s with Trump? Honestly, if I was registered to vote, I would definitely go for Trump now.”

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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