Thanks for this honest expression.
My mother and I had a complicated relationship. Like you, she turned me against my father, and allied her other children against him.
And they fought virtually every day so having a model for love to follow was never provided by them.
She was very creative, and funny, and we were civil with each other, but never particularly close.
I have gotten gifts from her I am grateful for, and wounds I have had to heal. Some are not healed. Some may never be.
I appreciate so much the way you shared your truth about your mother. I think we have more in common in that department than not.
Peace to you, brother.