Truth In Satire

Here In England, I Can’t Buy Anything With The New Trump $45 Bills

Boxing Day in the UK means big sales, but I learned quickly they won’t take the new Trump currency at any of the shops over here

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These things aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on — I can’t even buy a stick of gum with them!

I want to warn any American who is thinking of coming to England carrying the new $45 bill with Trump’s face on it, that they won’t accept it over here. It’s considered completely fake money in all the shops. Totally worthless.

This came as a shock to me and my girlfriend as we tried to use the newly issued currency in London earlier in the week, and now in Stamford, a historic town on the old Roman road between London and Troy.

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The moment an English shop owner sees Trump’s face on these bills, I’m thrown out on my arse.

At an apothecary in the Chelsea neighborhood of London, the pharmacist practically threw me out of his storefront window when I tried to pay for some Paracetamol with a Trump $45 bill. “You and that pillock of a president can leave these premises immediately before it gets ugly.”

Then in Stamford, where we are staying at The George, a 10th-century inn, with the original hangman’s gallows straddling the road out front, the hostess at breakfast told me I needed to put the bills away immediately, “unless you want to be hung from your neck till the last breath leaves your body.”

I didn’t think that was very hospitable thing to say.

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If I don’t get out of Stamford, England fast with this new Trump currency, they’ll be readying their ancient gallows for me.

The worst, though, was when I put one of the crisp, new $45 bills into the stocking of every member of my girlfriend’s English family on Christmas morning, thinking they’d be thrilled with the unique stocking stuffer from America, only to be forced to eat my figgy pudding at the kid’s table later in the day. How humiliating!

So I have gotten the message pretty quickly over here that not only is Donald Trump considered a counterfeit president in America, he is considered totally bogus in England, too…and every other country in the world.

That’s why anytime I travel outside of the States in the future, I am dumping the Trump bills and going back to using my Richard Nixon silver dollars. I suggest you do the same.

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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