Truth In Satire

Republican Lawmakers:“Pay Us $41 Million And We’ll Stop Suckling On NRA Nipple”

GOP lackeys put price on their loyalty to gun lobby over lives of schoolchildren based on their political bribe totals

The NRA says it would like to stop killing children but, unfortunately, mass murder is good business. (Credit: cnbc.com)

In response to nationwide outrage over their party’s unwillingness to give up lucrative political contributions from the National Rifle Association and pass meaningful gun reform, Republican lawmakers now say they will consider doing so if they receive more than $41 million in compensation.

That’s the total amount that the top 20 recipients in the House and Senate have received in N.R.A. bribes during their political careers, as reported by The New York Times.

President Trump has enjoyed suckling on NRA money. (Credit: newsweek.com)

“If you want us to get serious about stricter gun laws, you’ll have to get as serious as the NRA is about buying our votes,” said Sen. Richard Burr of North Carolina, who has received $6,986,620 from the gun lobby during his career on the Hill.

“I’d like to save the lives of schoolchildren and prevent them from being mowed down in their classrooms by madmen with assault rifles, but it’s awfully tough to pass on that $3,303,355 the NRA has paid me over the years,” said Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida. “But if the anti-gun people can come up with a comparable figure, hey, I’d be the first person to remove my mouth from the tit of the NRA and fight for stronger gun laws.”

“I do like children, but I like those fat NRA checks even more.” (Credit: cnbc.com)

After last week’s school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida that left 17 children dead, both Rubio and Gov. Rick Scott stepped up to offer their heartfelt “thoughts and prayers,” while also endeavoring to retain their A+ ratings with the N.R.A.

According to the Times, here are the breakdowns of payouts to other eager GOP recipients in the two chambers of Congress:

SENATE

John McCain $7,740,521.00
Richard Burr $6,986,620.00
Roy Blunt $4,551,146.00
Tom Tilis $4,418,012.00
Cory Gardner $3,879,064.00
Marco Rubio $3,303,355.00
Joni Ernst $3,124,273.00
Rob Portman $3,061,941.00
Tod Young $2,896,732.00
Bill Casidy $2,861,047.00

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

French Hill $1,089,477.00
Ken Buck $800,544.00
David Young $707,662.00
Mike Simpson $385,731.00
Greg Gianforte $344,630.00
Don Young $245,720.00
Lloyd Smucker $221,736.00
Bruce Poliquin $201,398.00
Pete Sessions $158,111.00
Barbara Comstock $ 137,232.00

That’s a total of more than $41 million.

And add to that the $30 million they paid into the Trump election campaign.

The National Rifle Association had no comment for this article, other than to say that Cabela’s outdoor store is running a big special on semi-automatic AR-15 rifles, the same style assault weapon used in the Florida school shooting last week.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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