Pressured to pass tougher legislation to prevent mass shootings by deranged killers with assault weapons, the Republican party proposed a bill Thursday night requiring break-proof window glass in every high-rise building, office tower, and hotel in the country.
“If that Pollack fella had not been able to smash out the windows at the Mandalay Bay,” said Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama, “those five hundred-plus shooting victims would never have been able to leap into the path of his bullets. See my logic?”
“We’ve studied this mass murder issue carefully, and it’s absolutely clear that gun control laws do nothing,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, “Hammer-resistant windows are the answer.”
The Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, called the GOP proposal to get tough on weak windows, “…one of the most comprehensive legislative packages I’ve seen for preventing snipers from shooting down at hapless victims. I don’t think anyone can doubt the seriousness of our efforts to put an end to gun deaths now.”
Ted Cruz, the junior senator from Texas who offered the radical new window glass legislation in response to the Las Vegas shooting last Sunday, said he hoped this would silence critics on the left who say that the GOP is too soft on guns. “Once you keep a heavily armed assassin trapped behind strong windows, he’s basically powerless to rain hell down upon the heads of people peacefully enjoying a country music concert. This was our intent, to make it almost impossible to use bump stock-assisted assault rifles to kill from high-rise sniper nests.”
The Republican party is owned and operated by the National Rifle Association (NRA), and does the bidding of the gun lobby. And while Senator Cruz’s proposal upset representatives in the window glass industry, it was largely applauded by the NRA, which called it, “a solid, unassailable effort to limit the number of senseless deaths caused by crazy people. Remember, it’s mental illness that kills, not guns.”
Asked for his opinion on the controversy regarding break-proof windows vs. a ban on assault weapons, a tone-deaf President Trump said, “I just want to invite all the people directly affected by the tragedy in Las Vegas to stop by my beautiful Trump casino where they can dive into the best $19, all-you-can-eat buffet on the strip, enjoy free drinks, and receive $10 in complimentary gaming chips. I hope this small gesture will ease some of the pain and suffering that shooting victims and their families have been experiencing this week.”
Reached for comment, Democrats in Washington were too busy shaking their heads in disgust to issue a statement.
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