Allan Ishac’s Naked Satire

Global Anxiety Over Nuclear War Offset By News Kylie Jenner Is Pregnant

With their baby bump disclosure, 20-year-old reality TV star and rapper Travis Scott bring needed relief to a nervous world

Image for post
Image for post
Many are saying that Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy news is just what they needed to forget about nuclear annihilation for awhile and smile. (Credit: imgarcade.com)

The 20-year-old social media icon and her rap star boyfriend are telling family and close friends that making a baby gave them “a sense of control at a time when the world seems so out of control.”

Image for post
Image for post
The two lovers were photographed this summer rubbing their gonads together, but this is not believed to be the moment that Jenner became pregnant. (Credit: www1.lianxio.com)

The couple were specifically referring to reports that an accelerated exchange of bellicose words between U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-Un, could result in a catastrophic world war in the days ahead.

Ms. Jenner told reporters that if an atomic bomb was, in fact, dropped during the global confrontation, that she at least hoped “the nuclear winter that follows will be short enough that I can do a People Magazine cover shoot with my baby and Travis sometime next spring.”

Nuclear winter is a period of extreme cold and abnormal darkness following a nuclear detonation caused by a layer of radiated dust and debris filling the atmosphere. The toxic cloud can block the sun’s rays for months at a time disrupting life on the planet and resulting in the death of countless millions.

Image for post
Image for post
Image for post
Image for post
Travis says that sex with Kylie is “like a nuclear explosion going off in my crotch.” (Credit: mbass.com and endtimestruth.com)

Describing his excitement at the news of Kylie’s pregnancy, Mr. Scott said, “At first I didn’t know if I was the baby daddy or if maybe my man Tyga did the damage. But tests proved I dropped the tadpole, so what the hell, I’m down for this. I just hope the world is still around when my baby is born.”

The popular rapper’s confusion regarding rightful paternity may have stemmed from the fact that Jenner had an on-again, off-again relationship with the rapper, Tyga, earlier in the year.

News of the couple’s pregnancy came just days before the scheduled E! network airing of its “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” 10th anniversary special on Sunday. E! officials say the eagerly awaited Kardashian retrospective will be shown as planned on Sunday night unless a nuclear war preempts the network’s regularly scheduled programming.

****

Thanks all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store