Truth In Satire

Former British Military Officers Have Choice Words For US Commander In Chief

In the picturesque town of Bath, a gathering of fighting men call Trump a “duffer” who doesn’t have the “bollocks” to be president

These four ex-British officers, standing with the writer, and their pints, say that Donald Trump is a chump.

Whether they’re army, navy, or RAF, British military fighters are a proud group of animated men with unrestrained opinions, expressed in strong words, fueled by a few pints (or more) of stout ale.

When twelve members of England’s elite forces, together on a rooftop bar in the historic village of Bath, were asked to give their opinion of America’s new commander in chief, they weren’t hesitant to deliver a scathing review of the “lazy sod” who they call “daft as a bush” and a real “knob head.”

“Is it true he skipped out on the draft back in the 60's?” asked one 34-year-old former drone pilot. “If it is, we’d be happy to drag him over here by the John Thomas and give that prat a right British thrashing.”

“We’re not keen on this full Monty business with Russia,” said another former test pilot. “Why would that wazzock (i.e. dumbass) start telling porkies (i.e. lies) about Putin if he wasn’t doing the rumpy-pumpy (i.e. screwing) with that Muscovite bloke. Seems obvious to all of us. Can’t Americans see it?”

Told that most Americans did see it long ago, and that a majority did not vote for Donald Trump in the 2016 election, all twelve men put their beers down and shot bemused, confused looks at each other.

“If you didn’t want a prat (i.e. asshole) like Trump in office, how did the skiver (i.e. lazy sod) become your president?” asked an Afghan war veteran.

A brief explanation of the electoral college system in the U.S. did not seem to temper the incredulity of this proud band of British military men.

“Electoral college? That’s barmy (i.e. stupid),” replied one.

“Americans have completely lost the plot (i.e. gone crazy),” said another.

“Proves the U.S. has gone totally bonkers,” said the senior officer among them. “You ninnies got what you deserved…a bright orange mingebag (i.e. bad person, arsehole).

A foursome of the fighting men then made the author of this post “Save the Queen” by dropping a pound coin with Queen Elizabeth’s face on it at the bottom of a half-pint and compelled him to chug-a-lug the frothy brew.

They then paid the tab and left. Off to another critical British mission, no doubt.


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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